April 15, 2010

  • Woops Moments in Motherhood

    A good friend once told me that motherhood and guilt go hand in hand.  In a way, she was right.

    You're always wondering if you're doing the right thing for them.  If you could have done something better.  Not to mention when they get hurt.. Ahh!  That's the worst.  We're all just learning and trying to do our best I guess.  I'm lucky that my kid has such a hard head.  He really doesn't cry very much.  So that helps. 

    But still, I've had my share of "woops" moments... some I felt really bad about and learned from, and some were just accidents, which will happen, of course.  And some just made me feel like a hair-brained, air-headed mom.

    The first one was when Austin was about 6 mo. old. maybe?   I was walking between the piano and the chair, at our other house, which was very small, and got my feet tangled up in his walker which was in the middle of the room.  I was carrying him.. it was like slow motion going down.  Falling out into the tiled hallway, all I could think of was how I was going to get him to not hit the tile with me.  When I was almost down, I sort of chucked him onto some nearby carpet.  He landed on his belly and was stunned.  I landed on my elbow, which still hurts once in a while.  I never had it xrayed or anything.  He cried a little and was over it.  I cried ALOT.  I felt soo bad.  It really scared me.  Lesson: Don't carry the baby through a room that's that hard to navigate through.

    Another time, I was sitting on the bed with him, playing before bed.  I was getting his jammies on, and stopped to make him laugh a little.  He was about a year old.  He was sitting about 2 feet from the end of our bed.  A safe distance, I thought.  I was throwing his jammies in the air and catching them on my head.  Sounds ridiculous I know, but he was laughing HYSTERICALLY.   So I throw them up, glance at him, look up to catch them, blink and look back at him... and he's gone.  Maybe a hundredth of a second we're talking about.  I thought, "where..wha?"  THUD.  He flung himself backwards off of our bed onto the floor.  Lesson: Two feet is NOT, in fact, enough room between a little one and the end of the bed to prevent a mishap.  And maybe making your kid laugh so hysterically that he flings himself backward isn't such a good idea.

    Oh, and kind of along the same lines.. playing on the bed, that is.. when he was about a year and a half, he was jumping on our guest-bed.  Something he loved.  He loved to jump in a pile of clean laundry on the bed.  I mean, LOVED it.  Plus, it always wore him out and got rid of his crazy energy before bed time.  I was right there with him, though.  Ready to catch him.  He was NOT going to fall off the bed.  In walks Chris.. "Kelli, you'd better watch him carefully, he might jump into the floor!"  I glance away for 5 seconds!!  To say to Chris, "No, I'm watching him, I'm right here."  During those exact 5 seconds.. poof.  Gone.  Jumped, sideways, slow motion.. "Nooooooooo..."  Reaching for him.  Hit the floor.  Lesson:  When you're watching him like a hawk, NEVER ever take your eyes off him.  Not even to look at your husband who comes in to tell you to watch him like a hawk.

    Another time, he fell or something and came to me crying.  Showing me his hand.. I didn't see anything so I was telling him that he's fine, everything's okay.  Stop crying, blah blah.  So he did.  He stopped crying and kept playing.  Later, I noticed some blood on his shirt? Hmm?  OH.  He really was hurt.  I wasn't looking in the right spot.  He was even BLEEDING.  I felt so guilty.  If I had known that he was bleeding, I would have given him some more love and sympathy!  Lesson:  Investigate more thoroughly. 

    (No one has called CPS yet, have they?)

    Once, at his Nana and Papa's house, he fell and hit his head and made a goose-egg right over his eye brow.  About a week later, we were walking into the garage from the backyard with the dog, and as I walked in, I swung the door closed behind me, thinking he and the dog were already in.  Well, the dog was in, Austin was RIGHT behind me on my heels, little stealthy kid.  As I swung the door closed, the door knob hit him in the head... right ON his already existing goose-egg.  I felt soo bad for him.  It is so awful to accidentally hurt your kid.  Lesson:  Put a GPS on him?  And look behind me before I shut a door.  You never know what or who might be there these days. 

    Oh, and once, at church he was sitting on the bench, he was about a year old, and he was swinging his legs back and forth.  Which might have been okay, but he was a CHUBBY baby!  Each time he swung his legs, his center of gravity shifted a little further forward.  Of course, I wasn't aware of that at the time it was happening.  All of the sudden, he swings his dangling legs and flies off the bench into the floor on his face!  Uggghhhh!  Talk about feeling like a loser!  Lesson:  Don't let him do that again!

    I don't know.  Writing all this down, I feel like an air-head.  And a bit like a terrible mother.  BUT, the fact is, I never had a baby before.. and no matter how much you think you're prepared.. unless you're OCD and put your kid in a helmet, accidents will happen.  Everyone is learning and doing their best.  The fact is.. I would THROW myself in front of a BUS for that kid.  There have even been a couple of times where something's happened, and I  have wanted to come out SWINGING in protection of him.  Which shocks even me.  I am generally not that assertive.

    So how about you?  Have you had any "woops" moments in motherhood? I promise not to call CPS!!